I'm trying to hold it together, but I honestly feel like dying and that life is too hard. You see, tomorrow my Christina, my sweet angel goes to school.
First grade.
It seems so unnatural for her to be away from me and every part of my soul is weeping.
Am I dramatic, perhaps? In all reality I know that she has so much to offer the world. She had a beautiful father's blessing tonight and part of the blessing talked about how through school she would become closer to Heavenly Father as she taught others about Christ. I know she'll be an excellent missionary. I know she'll make friends and love her teacher and love learning.
But all of this doesn't really help. I miss her deeply and she hasn't even started. I can't breathe right. Fortunately, I know how to keep a straight face when all I feel like doing is crying. I don't want her to be scared after all, no matter how scared I am.
I just don't want her to get hurt on the swings, or learn cruel behavior or be a victim of ill behaved rats, or be sad or be bored. I want to control her life and make sure it's blissful and full of happiness.
This is horrible. And it was hailing today. I think God is as sad as I am.
I keep reminding myself I believe in the education system, this is why I became an educator. I feel I made the best choice for teacher. I will volunteer in the class. I will be the PTA. It will all work out just fine.
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It's just she's my Christini. The minute she was born, I knew true happiness. I knew utter joy. She's my everything. I love her so much it hurts.
2 comments:
How exciting! Have a great first day back, Christina! We love ya!
And hang in there, Mama. Big hugs for you. :)
All right, let's be honest. I was trying to be upbeat for you...but I'd seriously feel like hyperventilating, too. While I'm glad to be delaying that feeling with homeschooling for a while...eventually they'll go to school. Love ya, friend!
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