Roller Coaster

For some odd reason, I'm totally in love with this song. Maybe because I wonder if I'm Ginger Baker. While the beat of life keeps going on, it's strong with happiness and life, I wonder if really I'm just a broken drug addict, an emaciated zombie drumming patterns of supposed stability.

Perhaps.

Mentally I think I'm doing pretty well. I have no doubts or concerns about my faith or fears about death and the afterlife. People sob and cry when I see them at Wal-Mart and I give them a hug, pat them on the back and tell them it will be OK. Life is good. It really is.

At times I realize I've stopped breathing though. I have to remind myself to breathe. It's usually when the girls are asleep. And now I have this "thing" where sleep really isn't so peaceful. Like I have to shake my girls before I go to bed to make sure they are OK. And as we sing Silent Night, I realize I don't much care for that song anymore...

But as for so many that told me "Life will be a roller coaster." it's more like I'm on a pair of roller skates holding Jesus' hand. There are no ups and downs, and if there are it's not like I'd notice because I've left it all up to Him. Thank goodness for agency! At first I thought, wow. I have no choices. What on earth can I do! But now, I'm just along for the ride - ready to go and do whatever He wants me to do knowing that He is right by my side.

It has sunk deep within me. Choices!! I choose to follow Christ and let Him give me peace and happiness and hope. I bask in the sunshine of His love daily, thank you Eric Clapton.

Jojo, I'll keep kissing your picture everyday until I can have the real thing again.