Well. Life is always throwing you curve balls. This beautiful boy isn't "thriving" as my wonderful doctor put it. He was 3 oz. under birth weight at his 3 week appointment and said I needed to start supplementing. I was quite distraught. In fact I was so stressed out I couldn't eat and got sick. I NEVER wanted to bottle feed. I know there is NOTHING wrong with formula, it's just I had such wonderful experiences with my girls for the 2 years (each) I breastfed them, that that's all I wanted to do. I asked my doctor what they do in Africa when there is no option for formula and she responded, "They die by age 20." And is it any wonder I panicked? Which is really good for milk supply.I was quite sad to put it lightly. I'm still trying to breastfeed, but I have to give him formula so he'll grow. My doctor said it's probably a problem with my supply, but I don't think so. I feel multiple let downs. He just doesn't suck that well at the breast. He has to be on a nipple shield to even get on. I still have hope, but at the same time I know he needs adequate food. This has been very hard. Ah, adjustments.
I didn't have bottles at my house, the baby was crying, the girls had been stuck in the doctor's office and car for 2 hours... so I stopped by Alicia's house. It was all I could think to do. I was in tears and she was so helpful. She was really a comfort to my soul and I don't know what I would have done without her kindness. I also got some great comfort from my friend Angela who helped a lot with multiple questions I had. It's not the end of the world. It's just a change of plans. I think reading my scriptures put things more into perspective. I read in the book of Alma about how Christ was the "infinite and eternal" sacrifice. My moments of sorrow are nothing. I have hope and happiness through the knowledge that my family is eternal and we will one day return to our loving Father and elder Brother.
Isn't this so silly. It's just I really felt like a failure. But I'm not. And everything will be OK.
And I weighed him today (4 days after the doctor) and he was up to 8 pounds. So yeah.
5 comments:
Man, that's got to be hard for you Sofia. Especially after your problem-free nursing experiences with your girls. I hope things work out for the best and that little Joe keeps on growing. We'll keep you guys in our prayers!
xoxo
I love you!! Dont be too hard on yourself. That little fellow looks pretty happy and content from where I'm sitting. I wish I was there to snatch him from you and snuggle with him for a bit. :)
Love you all!
Sofia-
First of all, don't beat yourself up! You're a wonderful mom and definitely not a failure.
I would HIGHLY suggest calling Lactation at Renown. They have a group where you can go and meet with a consultant and other moms going through this for free. It's on the postpartum unit from 11-12(I believe) on Tuesdays and Thursdays. They are wonderful and most of these moms have gone through the exact same thing with trying to keep nursing, while having to supplement for weight issues. You don't have to entirely give up nursing, in fact, they will help you so you can stop the bottles and formula faster and help you, help him latch.
You may have already tried this, but I thought I'd throw it out there for you because it's been so invaluable for so many moms.
If you need anything, don't hesitate!
Also- Most doctors are so so so fixated on weight that they start supplementing before they really need to. Don't get me wrong, I love most pediatricians, just sometimes, they overreact on the weight thing, in fear of getting sued or something. He probably does need a little formula, but it might just be the little jump start he needs! Sometimes it just takes the little ones a little while to catch on to suck, swallow and breathe. Then they can become champion nursers!
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